


Too easy to forget, too hard to remember

by bamboozledbylife



Series: Our hopeful future, our broken past [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Adaline is the name I use for corrin, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Backstory, Canon Compliant, Gen, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 15:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14621928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamboozledbylife/pseuds/bamboozledbylife
Summary: After being separated for so long, Silas and Adeline reunite under the worst of circumstances. As Silas reflects on the past they had, he considers what, and more importantly who, he's fighting for.





	Too easy to forget, too hard to remember

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at bamboozledbylife

The rocking of the boat beneath his feet set his stomach on edge. Silas had never been much for sea travel, and the nerves of the coming battle worsened his ill feeling. He gripped the pommel of his sword, breathing deeply to calm himself. The smell of leather and steel had become a comfort. Thoughts of Ada had once been a comfort as well, but now they threatened the contents of his stomach.

****

_He ducked underneath the table cloth, hand pressed tightly to his own mouth to stifle his giggles. He heard the soft sounds of her bare feet on the tile, a steady thump, thump, thump._

_“Sillaaasss! Silas, where are you?”_

_Ada wandered into the library, lingering in the doorway. He could see her pale feet and ankles, sickly white from lack of sun. She wandered aimlessly around the room, looking underneath furniture and peeking around bookcases._

_“Silas?”_

_She climbed on top of a chair to peer over a large desk. He saw the chair legs wobble before they snapped, and he heard her shriek pierce the air. She hit the ground with a dull smack, air rushing out of her lungs. Silas scrambled out from under the table, rushing to her side before she had caught her breath._

_“Ada! Are you okay?”_

_Her eyes blinked rapidly, quickly filling with tears. She took a loud, gasping, breath, a sob escaping her lips. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, tears streaming down her face. Silas threw his arms around her neck, rubbing her back like his nursemaid sometimes did for him._

_“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have hidden.”  
“It’s okay,” she sniffled loudly, “it wasn’t your fault.”_

_He felt tears prick his own eyes as her tears soaked his shirt. It felt like his fault. She sniffled once, twice more, and he heard his father’s voice ringing in his head. He sat back, smacking his hand to his forehead._

_“Silas,” Ada tilted her head, rubbing her runny nose on her sleeve, “whats wrong?”_  
_“I completely forgot! I can fix this.”  
“Fix this?” _

_He dug his hand into his pants pocket, retrieving a lightly crumpled handkerchief. He thrust it forward, presenting Ada with the wrinkled fabric._

_“Dry your eyes milady! I’ll take care of this!”  
She plucked the hanky from his hand, dabbing at her eyes. _

_“You’ve never called me milady,” She giggled quietly, “what now?”_  
_“Oh,” he shrugged, “I don’t know. My dad just told me I should always give my handkerchief to a lady when she cries.”_  
_“Well,” She rubbed the material in her hands, “it did make me feel better.”_  
_“See, I did fix it!”_  
_“What about the chair? Gunter will be mad.”_  
_“I’ll tell him I did it, but we better tell him before he finds out on his own.”  
_“Race you there!”_ _

__

_She sprang to her feet, running out of the room. Silas jumped up, chasing after her down the long winding halls of the Northern fortress._

****

The clang of metal signaled the beginning of combat. The enemy forces, he grimaced to think traitors, had arrived and the clash had begun. He strode to the side of the boat, clutching the rail in both hands. He scoured the approaching soldiers, looking for one face in the crowd.  
He watched a sword pierce one of his knights, the young man staggering backwards and falling off the dock. The sight filled him with disgust, but what met his eyes next made his breath catch in his throat. There she stood, armored and blood spattered, but still unmistakable. He couldn’t stand to hurt her, but now he may have to… he couldn’t even consider it. 

****

_A long scroll of parchment had been laid out on the floor, a well of ink and two quills between them. A candle had been set to the side, burning low in the fading evening light. Ada doodled absentmindedly on the corner, swirling hearts and stars. Silas carefully tilted the document: To Go List._

_“What’s the first thing you want to see?”_  
_“The first thing? Hm…” she tapped her pen on the page, “a lake!”_  
_“After that?”_  
_“A store! And a cat!”_  
_“You’ve never seen a cat?”_  
_“Nope,” she shook her head vigorously, “never.”_  
_“Anything else?”_  
_“Lots! Everything seems so cool!” She sighed dejectedly, “Xander makes it sound so scary though.”_  
_“What does he say?”_  
_“He tells me about how I’m safer in here, how it’s dangerous and crazy outside.”_  
_“You don’t have to worry about that,” he grabbed her hand in his, smiling widely, “I’ll keep you safe! I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go!”_  
_“Really?”_  
_“Yep. I’m gonna get really strong so I can always keep you safe.”_  
_“Well, I’m gonna get even stronger than you so I can keep you safe.”  
_“Nuh uh, I’m gonna be the strongest! No one’s gonna be safer than you.”__

_They argued back and forth, continuing long after the sun dipped below the horizon. The candle burned out, and they argued in hushed whispers. Their eyelids began to droop, and they argued as sleep loomed over them. A pair of maids scooped them up, carrying them to their beds. They held hands even as they fell asleep._

****

His horse swayed beneath him, unsettled by his anxiety. He shushed the animal, shifting his hold on his sword. Ada’s… no, the enemy army was strong. So much stronger than they’d thought. They had Princess Camilla with them, and now Princess Elise had joined their ranks. A large chunk of their army was Hoshidan, including two of their own royal family. He wasn’t clear on their names, but they were strong.  
He didn’t want to hurt any of them, but at the same time he couldn’t betray his country. Was it a betrayal though? If every royal daughter threw their lot in, where was his allegiance exactly? Would it be so wrong of him to help her? 

_There was a long formal dining table in the Northern fortress, never once used to it’s full potential. In the early morning light Ada and Silas sat side by side, both eating bowls of warm porridge. The former wasn’t so much eating it as playing with it, smacking her spoon onto the sticky surface, enjoying the resulting splat each time. Gunter was seated across from them, chuckling to himself._

_“A lady doesn’t play with her food, Ada.” He smiled fondly despite his chiding, “eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”_  
_“But I’m so excited Gunter! I can’t eat.”_  
_“Excited for what?”_  
_“Camilla and Xander are gonna visit AND they’re bringing Leo!”_  
_“Leo’s just a gross baby though.”_  
_“He’s not gross,” she stuck her tongue out at Silas, “you’re gross.”_  
_“Hey,” he exclaimed through a mouth of porridge, “I’m not gross!”_  
_“Children,” Gunter sighed disapprovingly, “a lady does not stick her tongue out, nor call names, and a gentleman does not speak with his mouth full.”_  
_“Sorry Gunter,” both children spoke in tandem._  
_“But,” Gunter spoke slowly, a mischievous glint in his eye, “babies are a little on the gross side, and somebody here could use a bath.”_  
_“Gunter!” Ada cried indignantly, “that’s not very nice.”  
_“Inside voice Ada.”__

_____ _

_Silas brought his shirt up to his face, giving it a deep sniff. He wrinkled his face in disgust._

_“I smell like a horse.”_

_Ada leaned over, shoving her face into his shirt and inhaling deeply._

_“What are you doing?” Silas looked at her, confused._  
_“I’ve never smelled a horse.”_  
_“I can take my shirt off if you want to smell it better.”_  
_“Yeah! You sho-_  
_“Shirts will be staying on at the table, thank you. Perhaps if the young lady works very hard at her lessons she’ll be able to smell a real horse one day.”_  
_“But that might not be for a long time!”_  
_“If I had a horse I’d let you smell it.”_  
_“At this rate you will become a horse. Ada and I will be working on her penmanship, and you,” Gunter looked at Silas pointedly, “will be taking a bath.”_  
_“But Silas usually writes with us!”_  
_“If he goes quickly, he can join us for the end.”_  
_“I’ll take the fastest bath ever!”  
_“Godspeed, young man.”__

****

She stood before him now, closer than they’d been in fourteen years. Sweat stuck her hair to her face, and the blade of her sword glinted in the sun. His forces were decimated, his chances of survival slim. 

“I don’t want to hurt anymore people,” she looked at him; she looked through him, “you can still surrender.”  
“Ada… I can’t do that. You were my best friend, but I can’t betray my kingdom.”  
“I was your what? I don’t have times for games, and I don’t appreciate being messed with.”  
“I would never lie to you,” his face fell, confusion and heartbreak flitting across his features, “was I really so easy to forget?”  
“It’s impossible to forget a stranger. I really am sorry, but you have me confused.”  
“No, I don’t think that I do. But I’m glad, really I am. This will be easier for you.”  
“Easier? Do you think me a child?”  
“I almost wish I still could. I’ve dreamed of this day but gods, never like this.”  
“If you insist,” she shifted her stance, preparing to attack, “I have no choice. I will not back down.”  
“You never did.” 

****

_They’d checked around every corner, running through the shadows and hiding in the corridors. The lock on the door was broken, age and rot corroding it. With a basket in one hand, Ada’s hand in his other, Silas led her through the gate. The sun was shining brightly, the first sunny day in weeks._  
_They raced through the stiff grass, wind at their backs. They ran for minutes, slowing when they both ran out of breath. By the time they stopped the Northern fortress was a blip in the distance. Rosy cheeked and breathless, they plopped down under a large tree.  
Ada dug her hands into the grass, into the dirt, reveling in the feeling of the earth beneath her. So very different from the stone, tile, and wood of the fortress. She peeled a piece of bark off the tree, rubbing the sticky sap between her fingers._

_“I never wanna go inside again, Silas!”_  
“Some day, when we’re older, I’ll take you everywhere. No one will lock you inside ever again.”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise! It’ll be you and me, always.” 

_She smiled broadly, a large gap where she’d recently lost her first tooth. The top of a fang poked out from her gum line. She curled herself around him, head resting on her shoulder._

_“Always.”_

_She dozed off there, the sun on her face, the wind in her hair, and the gentle feeling of Silas’s steady breathing lulling her to sleep. In time he fell asleep as well, not waking until they were found by a frantic maid. He preferred not to think of the rest._

****

A well aimed strike had knocked him from his horse, sending him ungracefully to the ground. Before he could roll to his feet, Ada knocked his sword from his hand. He was prone on his back, sword pressed to his throat, defenseless. He couldn’t hate her, not in this moment, not ever. 

“It will be my honor to die at your sword, Adaline.”  
“Please,” the plea came out as a desperate whisper, “please don’t make me do this.” 

Her cheeks were stained with tears and her outstretched sword shook, the tremors running up her whole arm. A cut on her face oozed blood, dripping down her chin and staining her shirt. 

“I don’t want to kill anyone else. I’m trying to help all of us, please, believe me.”  
“I want to bu-“  
“No buts,” her tone was harsh, the order sharp and biting, speaking of the months of ever mounting stress. “If you want to, than do it. If we were really ever,” she hesitated, the thought foreign to her tongue, “friends, than you would trust me.”  
“Of course we were friends. Best friends,” tears beaded at his own eyes, “I would’ve died for you then, I would die for you now.”  
“I don’t want you to die for me,” she sheathed her sword, taking several shaky steps backwards, “I don’t want anyone else to die for me.”  
“I…” He stood up, breathing deeply to collect himself, “I can’t abandon my duties. You could come back with me, to Nohr. It’ll be like this never happened.”  
“I can’t do that,” her expression hardened, tears still striping her face, “I’ve come too far. There’s things you don’t know that I- I can’t tell you. Not yet. Not until you’re on our side.” 

He wanted so desperately in this moment to embrace her, to wipe the tears from her face. The words resonated with him, _our side._ Why was he here? Why was he a castle night, why did he serve the Norhian throne? Ada. It was always about her, the only real friend he’d ever had. What was a worse betrayal, to forsake a corrupt King, or to abandon his sole motivation?

“Okay, I hear what you’re saying. I’ll go with you, but I need you to trust me first.”  
“I am… open, to negotiations, I suppose.”  
“Great.” 

He walked gingerly over to his horse, favoring his left leg. He opened one of the saddle bags, retrieving something and coming back to her.

“I know this might seem a little odd but I can’t reach my pockets under my armor,” he extended his hand, displaying a handkerchief. “So please, dry your eyes-” he flashed her a wry smile- “milady.” 

She took it from him hesitantly, examining the material. 

“This seems sort of… familiar. What was your name again?”  
“Silas.”  
“Silas. That sounds even more familiar. You said we were best friends? How old were we?”  
“Five or six. I lived in the Northern fortress with you. Do you really not remember anything?”  
“It’s hazy. I remember bits and pieces, but most of my childhood is a blur. I feel like I should remember this though.”  
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be at your side from now on, so we’ll have plenty of time to reminisce together right?”  
“I- yes, we will. Later. Collect what remains of your forces, we have no time to linger.”  
“Of course.” 

A strong wind blew, carrying the scent of blood and death. She didn’t belong here, not really. None of them did. 

“And Silas?”  
“Yes?”  
“Even through all this,” she gestured broadly at the wreckage around them, “I can tell that you smell like a horse.”  
“You remember something, at least.”  
“It’s a little hard to forget while I’m standing this close to you.”

She smiled at him, face twitching when the new cut stung from the strain. It was the same smile he’d remember from childhood, bright enough to light up any room. Her baby teeth had long since fallen out, and he was struck by how sharp they were now. She seemed to have fangs instead of canines; they looked more like wolf teeth. 

“It must really hurt when you bite your tongue.” 

She laughed, light and breathy. 

“It does, but that’s a conversation for another time. Come,” she turned away, the planks of the boat creaking with the shift in weight, “we have a long road ahead of us.”

Silas grabbed the reigns of his horse, giving a tug as he followed her. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


End file.
